Captain Nebuchadnezzar Crunch, 1631 - 1695. Captain N. Crunch was a brilliant seaman and military strategist, as well as a cullinary mastermind. He combined all of these skills in what is perhaps his best known strategy, attacking the enemy at dawn, before they have had the opportunity to eat a breakfast rich in 10 essential vitamins and minerals. In the eyes of the Captain, "The malnourished shall find a quick death upon the end of my rapier, and those who have tasted the bounty of the earth at the wee hours of the morning shall win the day." So as to avoid this stragey being used upon his crew, the Captain developed a cold cereal which consisted of small bundles of corn, oats, wheat grass and roofing nails along with some crunchy, dried berries which was served 3 times daily on his ship. Though some of the crew sustained minor injuries to the roof of their mouths, they were generally a hearty, healthy lot. Captain N. Crunch served in the royal navy of King Vitamin for two score and five until his untimely, and rather shocking, death by mauling at the hands of the usually docile Sugar Bear of the Netherlands.
14 comments:
Good ole Cap'n Crunch and his devious product that always left the roof of my mouth in shreds but I still couldn't get enough! Did he ever come to terms with Jean LaFoot?
Hillarious and awesome as ever! :)
LOL! Great story!
I like the rather unusual colors you chose for this illustration. They work to give the feel of an old portrait, without being the usual cliche.
Hello from a fellow Ohioan!
Love the illustration (I particularly like his eyebrow and the crosshatching in the background) and the story equally. I wonder, was it the Captain himself or some latter-day protein fanatics who developed the peanut butter version of his trusty recipe?
the crosshatching is fantastic, jeff, lends just the right touch old moldy history to it. :)) really nice piece. :)
Great illo!
I only regret not having served on the great captain's ship. This regret shall haunt my days and mar my tombstone, alas woe is me.
Nice hat!
I wish I had a moustache like that...nice illo.
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amazing !
This is simply awesome! We got a great big giggle from reading his obit. :-)
Hilarious bio on the Captain.
Your artwork is great also.
I like the old woodcut look to it.
Totally excellent work. Well done.
Great stuff. Love the old portrait feel to it. Thats some 'tache the Capn is sporting too.
awesome re-imagining of a classic. beautiful color rendering and ink work!
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