Saturday, August 18, 2007
Illustration Friday: Captain
Captain Nebuchadnezzar Crunch, 1631 - 1695. Captain N. Crunch was a brilliant seaman and military strategist, as well as a cullinary mastermind. He combined all of these skills in what is perhaps his best known strategy, attacking the enemy at dawn, before they have had the opportunity to eat a breakfast rich in 10 essential vitamins and minerals. In the eyes of the Captain, "The malnourished shall find a quick death upon the end of my rapier, and those who have tasted the bounty of the earth at the wee hours of the morning shall win the day." So as to avoid this stragey being used upon his crew, the Captain developed a cold cereal which consisted of small bundles of corn, oats, wheat grass and roofing nails along with some crunchy, dried berries which was served 3 times daily on his ship. Though some of the crew sustained minor injuries to the roof of their mouths, they were generally a hearty, healthy lot. Captain N. Crunch served in the royal navy of King Vitamin for two score and five until his untimely, and rather shocking, death by mauling at the hands of the usually docile Sugar Bear of the Netherlands.